Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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