New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
