Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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