This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
