I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
