once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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