we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
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Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
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You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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