im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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