Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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