happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
