i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Let the clothes fall where they may.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
