Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
