i would punch a child for taco bell
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
