Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
