Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
