I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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