I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
