So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
