I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
