It's Friday. Sex?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
