the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
