I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
