Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think a kid would responsible me up
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
