An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
