i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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