roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
