Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
