so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
