We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
