I have demons in me.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
