My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
