paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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