You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
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IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
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It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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