I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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