Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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