Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
