So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
