Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
