This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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