So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Did I show you my penis last night?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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