I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Randomize
