So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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