I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
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He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
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Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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