Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
