So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
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I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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