Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
