Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize