WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
