so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
