Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
