God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
