my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
