I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
