Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
